Lost in the Mist
by Locked Myself Up in a Room
Summary: Gaara just returned from the chunin exams in the leaf village. He takes a soak in the hot spring, thinking about everything that happened, and pondering what he would like to do in his future. Where will his new path lead him? (short one-shot fic, takes place after the Naruto vs Gaara fight in the chunin exams).
Gaara slid open the sliding door of the changing room, revealing the cloudy steam of the bubbling hot spring before him. He inhaled deeply, taking in the sweet, thick scent of the hot spring that permeated every one of his senses. The foggy steam of the hot spring washed over him, warming him from head to toe, causing a sigh of relief to escape his lips.

He scratched his inner thigh, he still felt a little strange wearing nothing but a fundoshi. It was tradition to wear them at the hot spring he was at, but he had never visited this hot spring before. He had hoped that there would be other acquaintances around in the hot spring, but as he surveyed through the misty waters, he saw no one else in sight.

He stepped forward, careful not to slip on the jagged rocks as he cautiously placed one foot into the water. A wave of warm relief swept over his entire body, and he sighed audibly once more. Gently, he eased the rest of his body into the hot spring, letting the water rest at his chest. He closed his eyes, letting himself breathe in the natural perfumes of the water. He felt his cheeks flush with the heat, and his eyes fluttered open to keep himself from falling asleep.

The fundoshi he wore was so thin, it felt as though he were completely naked in the caressing waters. He looked around the area one last time, still shocked that he was alone. _Well,_ he figured, _I just returned from the leaf village for the chunin exams…probably everyone in the sand village is still trying to get things in order with the kazekage gone…no one has time for a relaxing soak in a hot spring…_

Then a strange thought occurred to him. The 4th kazekage, Rasa, was his father. Of course he knew this already, but he hadn't stopped to think about the fact that his own father had died by the hands of Orochimaru. He didn't feel very sad about this thought though; his father was never the loving, doting type. His father had tried to have him killed when he was a child…so of course Gaara didn't feel much sorrow over his passing.

But he wondered how his older siblings, Temari and Kankuro, were holding up. _It's weird…I have two older siblings, but I don't know much about either…being isolated from my family as a child made it hard to form bonds with those who should have been closest to me._

These thoughts, about others' well being, were all new to him. He had sealed away his emotions and compassion for all of mankind years ago, hiding behind the dark mask of a murderer. But Naruto was able to pull him out from that darkness, and to show him that there was still a light. If Gaara had not fought Naruto, he would ultimately have continued his path in the shadows until his inevitable death.

Gaara felt his chest clench uneasily. Feelings stirred within him, feelings that had previously been stored below the surface for a long time. Sorrow, pain, love, empathy, and happiness. They were in tumult, a roaring hurricane in his body, fogging his brain and piercing his heart.

He was suddenly grateful for the emptiness and stillness of the water. He was alone, free to feel these novel sensations and feelings within. There was no doubt about it- he had changed during his encounter with Naruto. He was no longer the same as before; mind set on killing, thirsty for blood and death. Now, he wasn't sure what he wanted. His mind was far from easy.

But he knew he didn't want to kill anymore. What he craved…was quite the opposite. He wanted hope. Something to hold onto, something to live for. But what did people hope for in this bleak, despairing shinobi world? _I've already seen the darkness and hate of the shinobi…and there's so much of it…if more people, more leaders, were like Naruto…then there might be a chance for peace in this world currently ruled by hatred._

A thought struck Gaara. It was an odd, almost comical thought. He remembered Naruto's promise to someday become the hokage. Now that his father was gone, the sand village would need a new leader, a kazekage that the people could look upon for hope, someone who could protect the village at all costs.

 _No way._ Gaara shook his head, despite being the only one in the hot spring. _The village would never respect me…all I've done in the past is destroy the town and the people I should have protected…I've let the tailed beast lose control too many times…people fear me._

The waters around him stirred in a loop, surrounding his body with soft bubbles and hot mist. His cheeks were nearly the same color as his hair, his body temperature was surely nearing boiling point. But he didn't mind. He was used to the heat, living in a dry desert made his skin tough against the burning, blistering sun.

He stared at the hazy, ever changing waters encircling him. He was struck with an idea as he watched the water shift with ripples. _What if I change the people's opinion of me? The water is always changing, always moving…I can change too. I can demonstrate my value to the people, and earn their respect._

It was a soothing thought, being someday admired by the people of the village. He let himself relax deeper into the hot spring, closing his eyes once more as the water crept up towards his chin. He hummed into the hot spring, feeling his voice vibrate through the murky waters.

He resolved to become a better person after his fight with Naruto, and now he had a clear purpose, a set drive to take him on a better path. He needed to mend the broken bonds between himself and the villagers. He knew where he would start- his family.

Temari and Kankuro didn't say much to him on their way back to the village. The two were unusually quiet and somber, something that Gaara noticed but did not comment on. He wasn't sure how to comfort people who were grieving, but he realized that he should try to do something. He lifted his body out of the hot spring, relishing the cool kiss of the wind against his heated, wet skin. He sat on the edge of a rock, wondering what he could say to Temari and Kankuro to help them with the loss of their father.

He marveled again at his lack of sorrowfulness at his own father's passing. Was there something wrong with him? _No,_ a firm voice rang in his head, _he helped in shutting me down from the outside world…he was part of the reason I was left without love, left to walk the journey of life alone, shrouded in anger and fear…but who can blame him? He didn't understand me…I have to make sure people understand me, not fear me._ Gaara didn't mourn his father's death, but he was able to make peace with it. He could forgive the man's actions, Rasa was doing what he thought was best for his village. A leader must always do what is best for their village.

Gaara splashed the water with his feet, the sound echoing off the wooden panels of the inn. The hot vapor was beginning to make him feel a bit dizzy, so he got up slowly and stepped back into the changing room to cool down.

Once inside, a tingling sensation ran up his skin, giving him chills. It was always a bizarre feeling, going from the hot spring to the cool, indoor changing room. He patted himself dry with a towel, then wrapped it over his waist, covering the fundoshi. Again, he was surprised by the emptiness around him.

Gaara sat down on a bench, staring at his clothes in front of him. He felt so serene and comfortable in his fundoshi, he didn't want to put his outfit back on at that moment. He scooped it up and slowly headed back to his room.

He figured he could stay peacefully at the inn for a few days until the raucous and worrisome chatter about the chunin exams in the leaf village died down. He wanted to be away from the thick of things, as people were bound to be extremely cautious and fearful of him at the moment. He knew he needed to stay away for their peace of mind.

He laid down on his bed, still wearing nothing but the fundoshi, feeling good about his new way of thinking. He had needed time alone to contemplate on his life and his journey ahead. Now, after his long soak and private time in the hot spring, he felt rejuvenated. He planned to speak with Temari and Kankuro, he wanted to listen to their stories and form a bond with them. Then he would train himself, and push his body to its limits. He wanted to be in better control of the demon inside of him, Shukaku. With practice, any jinchuriki can tap into the tailed beast's chakra and use it with their own, strengthening their abilities. With the right amount of patience, Gaara could even learn to reconcile with Shukaku, therefore preventing him from taking over his young body and mind and rampaging the town. Once he was in better control of his anger and Shukau's primal instincts, he could show the world that he was strong, capable and powerful. He could be respected and revered by his village, and maybe even loved by some. In order to receive love, he had to give it first. He was ready to tackle the upcoming battles in his life, and to show the world that he was not a monster to be feared.


End file.
